Why Golf is Better than Sex

1. A below par performance is considered good.

2. You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers.

3. You can still make money doing it as a senior.

4. It's much easier to find the sweet spot.

5. Foursomes are encouraged.

6. Three times a day is possible.

7. Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you do it with someone else.

8. If you live in Florida, you can do it every day.

9. You don't have to cuddle with your partner when you're finished.

10. If your equipment gets old and rusty, you can replace it.

11. If you are having trouble with golf, it is perfectly acceptable to pay a professional to show you how to improve your technique

12. Nobody will ever tell you that you will go blind if you golf by yourself.

13. It’s perfectly respectable to golf with a total stranger

14. There is no such thing as a golf transmitted disease

15. Your golf partner will never say, "What? We just golfed last week! Is that all you ever think about?"

Pro Shop Calls

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: What are your green fees?
Staff: 38 pounds.
Caller: Does that include golf?

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, do you have one of those areas where you can buy
a bucket of golf balls and hit them for practice?
Staff: You mean a driving range?
Caller: No, that's not it.

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, I'd like to get a tee time tomorrow
between 12 o'clock and noon.
Staff: Between 12 o'clock and noon?
Caller: Yes.
Staff: We'll try to squeeze you in.

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Do you have any open tee times around 10 o'clock?
Staff: Yes, we have one at 10:15.
Caller: What's the next time after that?
Staff: We have one at 10:22.
Caller: We'll take that one. It will be a bit warmer.

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: What do you have for tee times tomorrow?
Staff: What time would you like?
Caller: What times do you have?
Staff: What time of the day?
Caller: Any time.
Staff: Morning or afternoon?
Caller: Whenever.
Staff: We have 16 times open in the morning and 20 open in the afternoon. Would you like me to read the whole list?
Caller: No, I don't think any of those times will work for me.

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Do you have a dress code?
Staff: Yes, we do. We require soft spikes.
Caller: How about clothes?
Staff: Yes, you have to wear clothes.

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Do you rent golf clubs there?
Staff: Yes, they're 25 pounds.
Caller: How much to rent a bag?

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, my husband just called me on his cell phone and told me he's on the 15th hole. How many more holes does he have to play before he gets to the 18th?

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, do you have a driving range there?
Staff: Yes.
Caller: How much for a large bucket?
Staff: Four dollars.
Caller: Does that include the balls?

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Do you have a twilight rate?
Staff: Yes, it's 15 pounds after 2 o'clock.
Caller: And what time does that start?

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: My kids just came home with pockets full of range balls and said they stole them from your driving range. Would you like to buy them back?